30.6.13

Know Yourself




·  Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. - Carl Gustav Jung

·  You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are. ~ Yogi Bhajan

·  We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure 
   to discover  our own special light. ~ Mary Dunbar

·  What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies 
    within us.-  Ralph Waldo Emerson

·  Everything worth having costs something, and the price of true love is self-knowledge.

·  Becoming acquainted with yourself is a price well worth paying for the love that 
   will really  address your needs.- Daphne Rose Kingma

·  My willingness to be intimate with my own deep feelings creates the space for intimacy 
   with  another.- Shakti Gawain

·  People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but 
   when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.
   - Elisabeth  K├╝bler-Ross

You be good



Alex the African gray parrot was able to count and identify colors, and he had a beautiful relationship with his person, Irene Pepperberg. When Alex died in 2007, his last words to her were “You be good. I love you.”

29.6.13

The Wise Cricket

The cricket hummed, with the temperature of the night air. I, in my chair, hummed along with it, finding a voice, low, in the tempo of the chill. Part of me wanted to listen forever, another part wanted to tell the world how glorious it was. Both actions cancelled out the other, and in that, the whole of the world is played. 

— the wise cricket

28.6.13

I have come to believe......

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth. 

— Umberto Eco
 
 

27.6.13

The Recovering Thinker



It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it, exactly, we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said,
"Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But, Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry.

I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with a PBS station on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

24.6.13

Observations on Lethality

1. The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians;

 2. The French eat lots of fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians;

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians;

4. The French (and Italians) drink excessive amounts of red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians.
  
Conclusion: Eat and drink whatever you like, and in any quantities; it’s speaking English that kills you.

22.6.13

Who says there is only bad news about?

A friend of mine had throat cancer a couple of years back, but he beat it and was declared healthy about a year ago.

Two month ago the tumor returned.

I asked him today how he was, and here is his reply verbatim:
=======================================================================

Thank you for asking, Georg.

After several sessions of chemo, cut short by my low white cell blood count... and a "put me to sleep" for a surgical procedure called a larynsgoscopy for the purpose to "scoop out" tissue for a biopsy, the diagnosis was a tumor on my esophagus.

Surgery was recommended and scheduled for May 14. Because of close proximity to my voice box, the surgeon was going to take my voice box also, And a by-product was loss of smell and taste.

So, I wouldn't be able to speak, taste or smell. I'd have a hole in my throat where I'd have to replace a new tube for each day... and I'd deal with excessive mucus.

I did some research on a treatment mentioned by my oldest son and began an alternative treatment on May 3.

On May 8, I cancelled my surgery. I frankly didn't like the lifestyle I'd have after surgery. The docs were "flabber gasted" to say the least. I continued my alternative treatment, which was for 6 days a week with one off day, then start anew. Each treatment lasted for 1 1/2 hours.

My oncologist scheduled me for a CT scan on May 28, and a followup meeting w/her on May 29. She was going to put the "big push" on me to re-schedule my recommended surgery.

When I asked, "so what did the scan show?"

She said, "there's nothing there." When I asked her to amplify on that statement, she said, "there's no indication of a tumor there."

She then scheduled me for a June 10 session with my surgeon, who has a little camera mounted on a small cable that is inserted down my nasal cavity so he could physically look around the area where the cancer was.

He was astounded to report, "the tumor is no longer there, and there is no inflammation as well."

So, I asked a series of questions...

1. "So you're saying there is no longer a cancerous tumor there, right.?" He said, "that's right."

2. "So, it's gone, right?" He said, "that's right."

3. "Therefore, there's no longer any need for surgery, right?" He concluded with, "that's right."

They don't know what I did and are all kinda bumboozled, to say the least. I have not told them anything at all about the alternative treatment, and won't do so.

So, Georg, I right now show no evidence of the former cancerous tumor on my esophagus, I can still speak, I can still smell, I can still taste... and I don't have a hole in my throat that I have to replace a new plastic tube in every morning, nor am I dealing with excessive mucus everyday.

To say I'm ecstatic is an understatement, of course.

I'm blessed... I'm thankful to my maker above.

I feel good... I feel normal.

My oncologist told me in a prior meeting that a certain % of former smokers have some damaged tissue and are more prone than non-smoker cancer patients to have repeat cancerous tumors. So I'll have to carefully watch for the old dastardly "big C" for the rest of my life.

I'll certainly do that.

The medical community fiercely protects it normal treatment protocol of chemo, radiation and surgery... their money-train.

And they did everything they could to destroy the person who developed this treatment. But enough of his research and successful testing was salvaged for some to be able to replicate his treatment. I was blessed to be able to be put in touch w/a person who treated me, apparently successfully.

Rules For Men

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the Game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

Simple Duties
You make the bed+1
... but forget to add the decorative pillows 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You leave the toilet seat up-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex -1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings+5
... in the snow+8
... but return with beer-5
... and no liners-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night0
... and it is nothing0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something +5
... you pummel it with a six iron +10
... it's her cat-40
At the Party
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy -2
... named Tiffany.-4
... Tiffany is a dancer-10
... with breast implants-18
Her Birthday
You remember her birthday0
You buy a card and flowers0
You take her out to dinner0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar+1
Okay, it is a sports bar-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team -10
A Night Out With The Boys
Go with a pal0
The pal is happily married+1
The pal is single-7
He drives a Porsche-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED) -15
A Night Out With Her
You take her to a movie+2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It's called Death Cop 3-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15
Your Physique
You develop a noticeable pot belly -15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -800
The Big Question
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding.-10
You reply, "Where?"-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass" -100
Any other response-20
Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying a concerned expression0
... you listen, for over 30 minutes +5
... you relate to her problem and share a similar experience+50
... your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?" -50
... you listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep-200

21.6.13

Having Fun

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes.

When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.

So I went up to him and said, 'Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres!

So I called him a piece of horse shit.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

I didn't care.

My car was parked around the corner.

I try to have a little fun each day.

It's important.

20.6.13

The old man and the teenager

An old man at the food court of a mall was  watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange and blue.

The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, “What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”

The old man did not bat an eye in his response, “Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.”

18.6.13

Groan......

In 1957, several cities were vying to host the 1964 Winter Olympics. Candidates had been eliminated to the point where the only two left were Singapore and Nevers, France. The French venue had an obvious advantage for the games, but the Singaporeans were eager to host the games in their country, so they developed a snow-making machine. Because of technical glitches, the machine produced snow only part of the time. The rest of the time it produced steam, and you can't ski on steam. So they made a last-ditch effort to perfect the machine, knowing that the deadline for a decision from the committee was nigh. To bring moral support and entertainment to the workers, they brought in Elvis Presley, who mounted the stage and said, "Well, today's the day your machine must produce snow. If it belches out steam, the games will go to France. So this is it. It's snow, or Nevers."

17.6.13

Useless Facts About Animals


* A jellyfish is 95% water.
* A blue whales heart only beats nine times per minute.
* A cat uses its whiskers to determine if a space is too small to squeeze through.
* A chameleon's tongue is twice the length of its body.
* A crocodiles tongue is attached to the roof of its mouth.
* A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
* Rodent's teeth never stop growing.
* A shark can detect one part of blood in 100 million parts of water.
* A shark can grow a new set of teeth in a week.
* A starfish can turn its stomach inside out.
* Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food.
* Slugs have 4 noses.
* Owls are one of the only birds that can see the color blue.
* The penguin is the only bird that can swim but can't fly.
* The cheetah is the only cat that can't retract its claws.
* A lion's roar can be heard from five miles away.
* Emus and kangaroos can't walk backwards.
* Cats have over 100 vocal sounds; dogs only have 10.
* A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet (91 m) long in just one night.
* Insects outnumber humans 100,000,000 to one.
* Sharkskin has tiny tooth-like scales all over.
* Chameleons can move their eyes in two directions at the same time.
* Koalas never drink water. They get fluids from the eucalyptus leaves they eat.
* Lacking a collarbone, the deer mouse can flatten its body so much it can squeeze into   
   an opening one quarter of an inch high.
* A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.
* The orca is the largest member of the dolphin family, and is not really a whale. Due to
   its size, however, the orca is frequently included in discussions of whales.
* When sharks take a bite, their eyes roll back and their teeth jut out.
* Vegetarian mammals produce more methane than carnivorous mammals. In other
    words, they fart more.
* Flies jump backwards when they take off.
* More than 20,000,000 seahorses are harvested each year for folk medicinal purposes.
* The world seahorse population has dropped 70% in the past 10 years.
* The largest insects that ever lived on the earth were giant dragonflies with wingspans
   of over 3 feet (91 cm).
* Camels chew in a figure 8 pattern.
* The blue whale is the largest animal that ever lived, reaching 100 feet (30 m) in length
   and weighing 150 tons. The largest dinosaur, Argentinosaurus, was estimated to weigh
   110 tons.
* Cats, camels, and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk right foot, right
   foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot, left foot.
* Proportional to their size, cats have the largest eyes of all mammals.
* Sailfish can leap out of the water and into the air at a speed of 50 miles (81 km) per
   hour.
* The catfish has the most taste buds of all animals, having over 27,000 of them.
* A skunk's smell can be detected by a human a mile away.
* A lion in the wild usually makes no more than 20 kills a year.